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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I agree: Lowe's is being dumb

Posted by: Hammer / 10:02 AM

Agape has another update on the AFA boycott of Target. As an introvert, I'd prefer not to have to talk to cashiers at all. I'm a helper, though, so let me help.

Here's the complaint:

"Target's decision to do away with 'Merry Christmas' and Salvation Army bell ringers has made them an easy bull's-eye for people who are fed up with politically correct retailers," says Randy Sharp, AFA's director of special projects. "Shoppers are growingly disgruntled by companies that are choosing to do away with a simple greeting like 'Merry Christmas,' and they are showing it with their pocketbooks."

A couple questions, then. What if the cashier is Jewish? Does she have to with every customer "Merry Christmas"? Or should Target just not hire Jews?

What if I'm a Wiccan shopping for the solstice? I don't want to be wished a Merry Christmas. Should the Jewish cashier be forced to wish me a Merry Christmas against both of our wishes before she is fired and I am sent to a deprogramming camp?

What if I'm buying a George Foreman grill 'cause the old one is broken and not for any holiday at all? Is Target still required to wish me a Merry Christmas?

What we need is a store for Christians only. And not those liberal, dead-faithed Christians, either. If we tried to open a store that only allowed Christians, the ACLU would sue us for sure. In a second. It's what they do: hate on the Christians.

The real solution, clearly, is ribbons. Ribbons solve everything. AIDS, breast cancer, the war in Iraq: all these problems (and more!) have been solved by the appropriate ribbons. So, then, manger-colored ribbons with the slogan, "Wish me Merry Christmas, DAMMIT!" for all the true believers who require constant affirmation of their faith. Problem solved. Go home, O'Reilly. We're all happy now.

This, though, is kinda dumb. Lowe's is selling holiday trees. Gee, what holiday could be associated with a brightly decorated tree? Whichever it is, be sure not to set it too close to the nine-branched holiday candelabrum or we'll have a holiday house fire to worry about.


Aren't the five thousand different colors of five-cent wrist bands pretty much exactly what you're proposing? I've seen people with two or three on each arm.

By Blogger Scooter, at 11:52 AM  

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