The Supreme Court acted decisively today to protect two wedge issues that could be the key to the 2006 mid-term elections. The Supreme Court refused to hear a case challenging the legality of same-sex marriages in Massachusetts. At the same time, the Court indicted an unwillingness to allow terminally ill patients to use marijuana to relieve their suffering.

Justice Stephen Breyer said supporters of marijuana for the ill should take their fight to federal drug regulators before coming to the Supreme Court. Federal drug regulators insisted that they would allow potentially dangerous drugs onto the market if they were pressured by big pharmaceutical companies, but wouldn't condone the use of potentially helpful drugs if pressured by vocal, puritanical minorities. Other justices worried that teenagers would acquire brain tumors and degenerative spine diseases in order to experiment with marijuana.

According to some on the right, "it is vitally important to uphold traditional American values by making certain AIDS patients may not legally use marijuana to relieve their pain and nausea. It is equally important, if not moreso, to be certain that any homosexuals with AIDS not have a state-sanctioned partner with the legal right to visit and participate in their care."

Conservatives note that while same-sex partners will not be recognized as beneficiaries after a partner dies, all of the probate property that will not be awarded them will be entirely tax free.

David Hager, a member of the FDA's Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee suggested that prayer and Bible study could relieve most, if not all, of the symptoms of straight people with AIDS. Hager noted, however, that homosexuals would have to first devote their prayers and Bible study to being cured of the scourge of homosexuality before they could enjoy the healing effects of Matthew 13:44-46 and Romans 5:1-11. Hager further noted that patients should not operate heavy machinery while reading the verses.

Conservative pollsters reiterated the need to push the issue towards panic, because a serious moment of quiet reflection could seriously undermine the notion that two guys holding hands in Harvard Square (where the divorce rate is 2.4 divorces per 1,000 people) damages Bubba's second marriage in Lubbock (where the rate is 4.1 divorces per 1,000 people).

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All quotes are fictional

From ABC, November 29, 2004

Wary Court Considers Medical Marijuana

The Supreme Court appeared hesitant Monday to endorse medical marijuana for patients who have a doctor's recommendation.

Justices are considering whether sick people in 11 states with medical marijuana laws can get around a federal ban on pot.

Paul Clement, the Bush administration's top court lawyer, noted that California allows people with chronic physical and mental health problems to smoke pot and said that potentially many people are subjecting themselves to health dangers.

"Smoked marijuana really doesn't have any future in medicine," he said.

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From CNN

Supreme Court declines Massachusetts same-sex marriage fight

The Supreme Court on Monday sidestepped a dispute over same-sex marriages, rejecting a challenge to the nation's only law sanctioning such unions.

Justices had been asked by conservative groups to overturn the year-old decision by the Massachusetts Supreme Court legalizing same-sex marriage. They declined, without comment.

In the past year, at least 3,000 gay Massachusetts couples have wed, although voters may have a chance next year to change the state constitution to permit civil union benefits to same-sex couples, but not the institution of marriage.

Critics of the November 2003 ruling by the highest court in Massachusetts argue that it violated the U.S. Constitution's guarantee of a republican form of government in each state. They lost at the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Boston.

Their attorney, Mathew Staver, said in a Supreme Court filing that the Constitution should "protect the citizens of Massachusetts from their own state supreme court's usurpation of power."

Federal courts, he said, should defend people's right "to live in a republican form of government free from tyranny, whether that comes at the barrel of a gun or by the decree of a court."

Merita Hopkins, a city attorney in Boston, had told justices in court papers that the people who filed the suit have not shown they suffered an injury and could not bring a challenge to the Supreme Court. "Deeply felt interest in the outcome of a case does not constitute an actual injury," she said.

Freepers say:

Prayer is the last shot. (link, responding to quote from one of the plaintiffs who said marijuana might be her "last shot")

excuse my sarcasm, but her "diseases" don't make sense...Endometriosis rarely starts before one's mid twenties, scoliosis is present in 7% of women, and rarely causes back pain from arthritis before age 40, and usually exercize and NSAIDS keeps it under control. Brain tumor? Seizures? Let me see the CT scan...bet the reporter never saw them...and my favorite "Chronic wasting syndrome"...this only exists with HIV or advanced cancer. And it is NOT a medical disease, just one of the side effects of advanced disease...makes me wonder if she has HIV or hepatitis C from her earlier illegal drug use making her sick...Want to bet she likes being high, and after doctor shopping for her narcs has found the marijuana lets her be stoned all the time so she doesn't have to cope with life...(link)

It has to be said again and again. While marijuana has no curative value that we know of, it may have the ability to relieve pain for those who are suffering greatly. If so, and if a doctor prescribes it when other prescriptions have failed, then let the patient smoke it by the trainload if they want, and to hell with - and God curse - anyone who decides that the Government knows better.(link)

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The people of Massachusetts have always said many Hillbilly states allow their citizens to wed their family, well now we see what the people of Massachusetts wed . I havent seen the Hillbilly state have a problem with brain damage , but after seeing the Drunken Senator , the Traitor senator and the Queer Senator, I say I will takle marriage to family to marriage to queers anyday.(link)

Don't forget who we're talking about right now. It would not be a stretch of the imagination to see this Court simply decide to rule that homosexual marriage is legal in all 50 states. We know there are already enough Justices on the Court to do just that. Better to keep the issue out of the hands of the 6 black robed tyrants that made sodomy a "right". (link)