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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Best job ever

Posted by: Hammer / 2:51 PM

Dear Target:

Thank you for clarifying your respect for your pharmacists' sincerely held religious beliefs. Your commitment to honoring the beliefs of your team members is inspiring.

Personally, I have been inspired to become a pharmacist and a Christian Scientist. Please consider me for your next opening.

Although I lack any training or qualifications other than the ability to differentiate between a capsule, a tablet, and a caplet, I am more than ready to work as a pharmacist.

I, of course, am committed to the healing power of prayer. Consequently, I will only fill a prescription for someone who has previously sought healing via the grace of God through prayer. You should also know that I would never violate the will of the Lord. So if a Target guest does present herself sweating blood from the effort of unanswered prayer like Jesus at Gethsemane, I will honor the revealed will of the Almighty and refuse to fill that prescription.

Some might call this a Catch-22. I would applaud them for their ability to properly use the term, but that is beside the point.

The point, dear sir or madam, is that I would not be filling any prescriptions for anyone. Therefore, I would like to bring my Game Boy to work.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please contact me using the RFID implant you installed in my scalp the last time I bought cold medicine for my daughter.

In closing, please be aware that as a fundamentalist Christian Scientist, I am hypocritically litigious. If you refuse to hire me, I will sue you for religious discrimination. If you do hire me, I'll spend all my work hours boring my co-workers (sorry, teammates) with complaints about lawsuits filed by the ACLU. Except when I'm playing Zelda.

Thank you for your prompt attention and reply, Hammer

3 Comments:

Your interview would involve naming the seven synonyms for God- here's the cheat sheet from a 5th generation scientist- Principle, Mind, Soul, Spirit, Life, Truth, and Love. Of course, my Great Grandmother used to say that God created aspirin because he needed a break and all that prayer gave him a headache.

By Anonymous m, at 3:05 PM  

:)
cp

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:50 PM  

Yay! Somebody gets me!

By Anonymous m, at 10:08 PM  

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