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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Best job ever

Posted by: Hammer / 2:51 PM

Dear Target:

Thank you for clarifying your respect for your pharmacists' sincerely held religious beliefs. Your commitment to honoring the beliefs of your team members is inspiring.

Personally, I have been inspired to become a pharmacist and a Christian Scientist. Please consider me for your next opening.

Although I lack any training or qualifications other than the ability to differentiate between a capsule, a tablet, and a caplet, I am more than ready to work as a pharmacist.

I, of course, am committed to the healing power of prayer. Consequently, I will only fill a prescription for someone who has previously sought healing via the grace of God through prayer. You should also know that I would never violate the will of the Lord. So if a Target guest does present herself sweating blood from the effort of unanswered prayer like Jesus at Gethsemane, I will honor the revealed will of the Almighty and refuse to fill that prescription.

Some might call this a Catch-22. I would applaud them for their ability to properly use the term, but that is beside the point.

The point, dear sir or madam, is that I would not be filling any prescriptions for anyone. Therefore, I would like to bring my Game Boy to work.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please contact me using the RFID implant you installed in my scalp the last time I bought cold medicine for my daughter.

In closing, please be aware that as a fundamentalist Christian Scientist, I am hypocritically litigious. If you refuse to hire me, I will sue you for religious discrimination. If you do hire me, I'll spend all my work hours boring my co-workers (sorry, teammates) with complaints about lawsuits filed by the ACLU. Except when I'm playing Zelda.

Thank you for your prompt attention and reply, Hammer


Your interview would involve naming the seven synonyms for God- here's the cheat sheet from a 5th generation scientist- Principle, Mind, Soul, Spirit, Life, Truth, and Love. Of course, my Great Grandmother used to say that God created aspirin because he needed a break and all that prayer gave him a headache.

By Anonymous m, at 3:05 PM  


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:50 PM  

Yay! Somebody gets me!

By Anonymous m, at 10:08 PM  

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