Next time someone tells you the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter is 3.14 ask "Were you there?" and direct them to I Kings 7:23 where we see quite clearly that pi is actually equal to 3.
Evangelist Ken Ham smiled at the 2,300 elementary students packed into pews, their faces rapt. With dinosaur puppets and silly cartoons, he was training them to reject much of geology, paleontology and evolutionary biology as a sinister tangle of lies.
"Boys and girls," Ham said. If a teacher so much as mentions evolution, or the Big Bang, or an era when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, "you put your hand up and you say, 'Excuse me, were you there?' Can you remember that?"
"Sometimes people will answer, 'No, but you weren't there either,' " Ham told them. "Then you say, 'No, I wasn't, but I know someone who was, and I have his book about the history of the world.' " He waved his Bible in the air.
"Who's the only one who's always been there?" Ham asked.
"God!" the boys and girls shouted.
"Who's the only one who knows everything?"
"So who should you always trust, God or the scientists?"
The children answered with a thundering: "God!"
And if someone (say Matthew 1:16) tells you "Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ" ask "Were you there?" Then you say, "Well I know someone (Luke 3:23) who was and he says, "Jesus, when he began his ministry, was about thirty years of age, being the son (as was supposed) of Joseph, the son of Heli." At which point defenders of Matthew will pullout their genealogy showing 28 generations from David to Jesus and start an argument with defenders of Luke who have a list of 43 generations between David and Jesus. Since almost none of the names are the same you can use the ensuing confusion to slip out to spend your time with slightly more rational people. Astrologers maybe. Or crack-heads.
And finally there is this: (Warning: do not read while drinking milk unless you have a water proof keyboard!)
Ham encourages people to further their research with the dozens of books and DVDs sold by his ministry. They give answers to every question a critic might ask: How did Noah fit dinosaurs on the ark? He took babies. Why didn't a tyrannosaur eat Eve? All creatures were vegetarians until Adam's sin brought death into the world. How can we have modern breeds of dog like the poodle if God finished his work 6,000 years ago? He created a dog "kind" — a master blueprint — and let evolution take over from there.
[Original link and photo swiped from TBogg.]