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Friday, April 08, 2005
Cousin Karen is right; Meaner than Me is wrong
This is just wrong:Just when you thought you'd heard it all from the king of discount shopping, Wal-Mart is now pitching itself as the new dating hot spot -- with everyday low prices to boot.
In fact, the Bentonville, Ark.-based retailer's been playing Cupid to hundreds of lonely single German shoppers for well over a year now.
According to company spokeswoman Amy Wyatt, Wal-Mart's been running its "Singles Shopping" campaign in all of its 91 stores in Germany.
Here's how its works.
On Friday nights, singles looking for romance, mindless flirting or just a new friend head over to their neighborhood Wal-Mart where they're given a big bright bow to attach to their shopping cart or their shopping basket.
Then it's up to the willing participants to approach one another and take it from there. However, if that sounds too intimidating, Wal-Mart has set up "flirting points" around the stores stacked with "romantic" merchandise such as chocolates, wine and cheese to somewhat ease that first awkward step.
Small kitchen -- Day
Bright light pours through an open window and bounces around a sparse kitchen. TOM sits alone, noisily munching his Cap'n Crunch. He's reading the back of the cereal box when his roommate, BOB, enters.
You look like hell.
BOB does, indeed, look like hell. He hasn't shaved, his shirt is untucked, and he carries his belt over one shoulder. BOB slumps into the chair opposite TOM.
I feel like hell.
You meet someone last night?
Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it.
Why not?
Although it's odd for two platonic male roommates such as ourselves to discuss our feelings openly, I choose to do so with little reflection: I am ashamed.
C'mon. What happened?
Well, I did meet a girl. I didn't like her, but we had sex. I can't remember her name. I have a pain in my ass, so either I tattooed her name on my hinder or I have a rat bite. I haven't had the courage to check. Before the sex, I drank a box of wine from a plastic cup, then drove drunk to a Wal-Greens for condoms. I ran over a family of kittens in the parking lot right in front of a seven year old girl. I parked across two handicapped spots because I was in a hurry. I couldn't find the snug fit, so I decided to take my chances. Now my genitals are scaling and have an eerie, green glow.
Sounds like you've got a lot to be ashamed of.
Oh, no. I'm not ashamed of any of that. I'm ashamed because I shopped at Wal-Mart.
