Three Way News

Your Source. For everything. Really.


Current Poll

Best comic strip?

  • Bloom County
  • Boondocks
  • Calvin and Hobbes
  • Dilbert
  • Doonesbury
  • Far Side
  • Foxtrot
  • Get Fuzzy
  • Life in Hell
  • Peanuts
  • Pearls Before Swine
  • Pogo
  • Zippy the Pinhead
Free polls from

Recurring features

Hammer's Favorites

Jambo's Favories

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Harry Potter spoilers

Posted by: Hammer / 7:50 AM

J.K. Rowling really ripped that story right from the headlines, eh? Ron goes into hiding in Northfield, MN. Within hours, he's a hard-core heroin user, spending well over 800 dollars a day on his habit. (This is mostly due to his confusion over muggle money, but the point remains.)

Hermione comes to save him from himself. In a rage, Ron kills Hermione. He confesses to the chief of police, who turns out to be a Death Eater.

Oops, sorry. My notes were unclear. The chief of police turns out to be a Dumb Ass.

Voldemort recruits Ron, who drinks polyjuice potion. He turns into Michael Vick and starts torturing animals. Voldemort is impressed. The celebrate over some smack. Now Voldemort's hooked. He moves to Northfield because the supply is better over there. He gets caught breaking into Thorson to rummage for CDs he can sell for more heroin. Voldemort is killed in prison in the crossfire of a gang war.

Harry and Ginny spend the whole book doing it. And she's totally underage, so I'm guessing the book won't be sold in Mississippi for two reasons now.

And, finally, Snape, Ron, George, Tonks, Remus, Draco, Lucius, and Crookshanks are all killed when this robot-truck thing tries to "hide" on top of a garage within which they were hiding.



Post a Comment

<< Home


Special Feeds

Fun with Google

Search Tools




Prior posts

  • Harry Potter and the nuclear tipped cruise missile...
  • Bummer
  • Smilin' Norm Coleman: Filibusters Reed-Levin
  • Michael Vick: indicted
  • Coleman vindicated?
  • I wonder...Vitter's Ho v. Edwards' Hair
  • Smilin' Norm Coleman: Fundraising with Bush
  • Dirty Bombs & Netflix
  • A slow link day?
  • Archives

    • Gone for now

    This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours? Site Meter Get Firefox!