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Sunday, July 22, 2007

Harry Potter spoilers

Posted by: Hammer / 7:50 AM

J.K. Rowling really ripped that story right from the headlines, eh? Ron goes into hiding in Northfield, MN. Within hours, he's a hard-core heroin user, spending well over 800 dollars a day on his habit. (This is mostly due to his confusion over muggle money, but the point remains.)

Hermione comes to save him from himself. In a rage, Ron kills Hermione. He confesses to the chief of police, who turns out to be a Death Eater.

Oops, sorry. My notes were unclear. The chief of police turns out to be a Dumb Ass.

Voldemort recruits Ron, who drinks polyjuice potion. He turns into Michael Vick and starts torturing animals. Voldemort is impressed. The celebrate over some smack. Now Voldemort's hooked. He moves to Northfield because the supply is better over there. He gets caught breaking into Thorson to rummage for CDs he can sell for more heroin. Voldemort is killed in prison in the crossfire of a gang war.

Harry and Ginny spend the whole book doing it. And she's totally underage, so I'm guessing the book won't be sold in Mississippi for two reasons now.

And, finally, Snape, Ron, George, Tonks, Remus, Draco, Lucius, and Crookshanks are all killed when this robot-truck thing tries to "hide" on top of a garage within which they were hiding.

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