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Friday, May 20, 2005
David Cross versus Comic Book Guy (Music version)
We all know the Comic Book Guy:
Anyway, all the real-life Comic Book Guys who are way too into music have Pitchfork, a place to review music in prose so dense as to make the review indecipherable to anyone who is actually deciding whether to buy a CD. This is Dylan Hicks with a narrower world view and a lack of perspective. It's just music, people, it's not Soylent Green.
Though I don't like Pitchfork, I mean no offense to Brian Roberts, whom I know, and who penned this for Pitchfork when he should've been earning his keep at the lawhut:
This may signal yet another shift in the sonic direction for these canny popsters. Elephant 6 guru Robert Schneider's work on their last album fleshed out Beulah's sparse but intriguing melodies with the addition of a small but dense army of horns and strings, while Moutenot tends to add a more spacious air to his work. Check the difference between Sleater-Kinney's progression between Dig Me Out and The Hot Rock for comparison.
So, Sunshine reports that Pitchfork asked funny man David Cross to review some records. Cross opens with a Pitchfork review of his own work:
"That Cross is such an immensely unlikable live performer-- condescending, defensive, arrogant, patronizing-- is both his greatest asset and his most crippling flaw."
Cross provides 10 fictional albums to listen to while reading Pitchfork reviews. Hilarity ensues:
9). Slogging through the review of Emperor X's Central Hug/Friendarmy/Fractaldunes (And the Dreams that Resulted) (sample: "...the aesthetic of Emperor X's recording belies its craft. Homemade and sometimes grungily recorded, the latest record by Chad Matheny's one-man band delivers jitter-- and indie pop that practically gnaws its own arm with excitement") to try to find out if you might like it
Then don't listen to: ThunderPussy When the Wild Birds Sing. You can only shine a turd so many times before it gleans as bright as a six-year-old girl's ass cheek on Christmas morning. ThunderPussy answers the question, How many times does one need to shine a turd before it gleans as bright as a six year old girls ass cheek on Christmas morning? The answer according to ThunderPussy is, 12. 12 is the number of tracks on this CD each one of the same song, "Star Wars!" And they all suck except for the last one which shines just like a six-year-old girls ass on Christmas Morning. It's true. RATING: 4.Point
13 Comments:
Arrested development is the best new show on network tv. it isnt even close.
I am going to buy season 1 and season 2 on dvd cause I liked it so much and watch it over and over.
By 
, at
11:30 AM
Network TV? Yeah, maybe. Probably. I like House quite a bit. Mrs. Hammer likes House and Numb3rs. She hasn't seen a lot of Arrested Development because of her busy singing schedule.
I will loan you my dvds
By , at
11:45 AM
Boy, that Sunshine comes up with lots of interesting stuff. If she is not busy with school or anything she sould become a regular feature on TWN, don't you think? Maybe we could start an email campaign--get everyone who stops by TWN to send her a message asking her to join the team.
Sleater-Kinney is an all-female, punk rock trio.
By , at
12:31 PM
Like the Soviettes?
Sunshine will blog when the time is right...
Oh geesh, I had nothing to do with finding this precious gem. That was all D. D, my humblest apologies for not catching this earlier.
By , at
1:00 PM
Yeah, that was my big salad!
Sunshine, Libby Mae, E or whatever your name is, you are being ridiculous.
I check Pitchfork every day, and the David Cross article was on the front page. Some find.
If I don't check Pitchfork, I won't have anything to talk about with the Latino Comic Book Guy, Juan Mono Cubano, a/k/a mano de libro comico muchacho.
Spanglish is fun!
By , at
1:21 PM
This post is like a warp zone for me. I read the David Cross piece this morning, though I don't ever read pitchfork (which is funny, because i run an indie record label in the Twin Cities).
I'm also a long lost friend of Brian Roberts and a HUGE Beulah fan.
That said, the only point of contention I have is that most of those reviews David Cross wrote are of actual albums.
My explanation isn't clear. My understanding is that David Cross is writing reviews of fake records that one could listen to while reading real reviews of real records from Pitchfork. That said, I wouldn't know any of the indie bands around today. I listened to a lot of local music in the mid-1990s, but am way out of touch today.
Hey, D, sorry. I just go by what's in my gmail inbox. That says Sunshine. Of course, when I open the email it says Sunshine forwarded it to me from you. Oops.
Sunshine -- does that mean you've got a blog post ready to roll or only that you've got a new blogname ready to unleash?
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