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Thursday, May 12, 2005

The Demon-Haunted World?

Posted by: Jambo / 6:45 PM

69-year-old woman survives 9-story fall May 12, 2005 | Fort Lauderdale, Fla. -- A 69-year-old woman who survived a nine-story fall from a condominium tower when she landed on canvas awning told rescuers she became dizzy after staying up all night packing for her return trip north. Gloria Jummati was cleaning her ninth-floor balcony Wednesday morning when she fell over the 42-inch railing. The part-time Florida resident was preparing to head back to the Chicago area with her husband. “She's very, very lucky,” police spokesman Andy Pallen said. “She'd better go buy a lottery ticket.” Rescuers said she was alert when they arrived, complaining only of a shoulder injury. She remained hospitalized Thursday at Broward General Medical Center. “Angels floated her down -- that was pretty much all we could come up with,” Fire-Rescue Lt. Shari Marshall said.
Not to put too fine a point on it but, no. No they didn’t. Nor did Superman swoop in and catch her. And the USS Enterprise didn’t lock her in a tractor beam. She landed on an awning. It says so right there in the article. Had she lived one apartment over she would be dead now. Simple as that. Why does any adult need to make up some fairy tale about angels to explain something so obvious? [Hey, if every rightwing nut is going to spy creeping UN secularism each time reality encroaches on their myopic world view (see “Until Wishing Makes It So” below) I think I’m justified in pointing out every time their bubble-headed mythology intrudes on reality.]


Why does any adult need to make up some fairy tale about angles

It was the angle. You said so right in your post:

Had she lived one apartment over she would be dead now.

By Blogger Joseph, at 12:55 AM  

Yeah, the angle probably pushed her over the edge onto the awning, just to prove that angles exist. Of course, Douglas Adams proved long ago that proof of God's existence eliminates the need for faith. With no faith, there's no God.
In other words, the angle push proves angels don't exist.

By Blogger Hammer, at 7:23 AM  

If it turns out that her apartment was not actually over the awning and the laws of physics do not allow for a trajectory that lets her land there I will entertain the possibility of divine intervention. Absent that I'm sticking with earthly explanations.

By Blogger Jambo, at 10:26 AM  

You've just got no imagination.

By Blogger Hammer, at 10:33 AM  

The correct answer would be The Force. Jummati's medical records show a Midichlorian count of 10,000 - which is the equivalent to that of Qui-Gon Jinn. She used her Jedi powers to hit the awning. (This entry should also clue Jambo into my identity).

Han shot first!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:34 PM  

Personal to Jambo: I've spent all day trying in vain to come up with a bad pun involving the lyrics to "Dig It" (or as a backup, "Devil In Her Heart"). I give up.

By Blogger Joseph, at 2:35 PM  

I don't think Dig It has enough lyrics to make a pun. Maybe you should just let it be. I don't know that "something in the gay she moose" will ever be equaled.

By Blogger Jambo, at 3:22 PM  

Are we talking about angels or angles here. Was it the angle of the awning in question or was it the angel watching over her? Do any of you know how to spell?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:29 AM  

First (and worst) blog misssspellling ever.

By Blogger Hammer, at 10:43 AM  

I edited the main post to correct the spelling error, but I'm not going to worry about any of the comments, including my own.

By Blogger Hammer, at 10:46 AM  

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